Yes the Surprise Party has lofty goals. How do we accomplish those goals you might ask? Let’s consider prioritizing the most important things.
The first thing we need to establish is a maximum age limit for the president. Gov. DeSantis says he will try running again when he is a senile 80 year old. If you consider that age is relative to ability, Joe Biden is obviously not too old to run. His skill as a decision maker is plainly evident as he said he is so close to a V.P. pick, he can smell her hair. Former President Trump decided to put his picture on all U.S. stamps, forcing everyone to lick his image, the thought of which has made liberal heads explode!
As candidates, it’s necessary for us to travel around the country to meet with the folks. We are proud to partner with Ace Air Lines to get around. Why Ace you might ask? Well, they have developed a new short plane, called the Boing 7-11 for special needs pilots. Since we are so supportive of D.E.I hiring initiatives, we are thrilled to support crew members who are either physically or mentally incapable of operating big planes. There is even an employee in the cockpit specially trained to sign words like PULL UP, TURN LEFT, BAIL OUT!
Voting integrity is the cornerstone of democracy. Our friends across the aisle have dreaded these words. Now we have learned that MACA extremists have plotted to go to a polling station and vote on paper ballots for the candidate of their choice. According to Christopher Wray Director of the F.B.I, the only way to combat this egregious abuse of anti woke voting is to introduce another pandemic called the XXX flu. Once this contagious respiratory virus hits the country, the C.D.C will make it mandatory that there is no in-person voting, to curb the deadly spread.
Fortunately, the Surprise Party has a solution. We will establish a new branch of government called the U.S. Pigeon Force. Yes, homing Pigeons will be mandatory in every household. Voters will simply vote for the candidate of their choice by writing on a tiny piece of paper, called a mini ballot. This paper will then be placed on a special little back pack to be carried by the bird to the closest polling station. Free and fair elections brought to you by your Surprise Party. Where there is a pigeon, there is a way! More problem solving ideas are yet to come. M.A.C.A.
