Is Costco the happiest retail space on Earth? Friends, family, acquaintances suggest it is. I’ve rarely heard a bad word uttered toward or in Costco. The apparent euphoric shopping experience at Costco is unparalleled. Those running the Costco ship deserve high accolades for the experience they’ve built. Three main reasons make Costco what it is today: First and foremost is branding. Second is unique and quality products. Third is the membership model. It is hard to argue the success of Costco. They’ve perfected those three areas and because of it people pile into their stores nationwide each and every day.

I assure you the intent of my letter today is to share my experience and subjective opinions of the store. Those reading may interpret, concur, share thoughts, or violently disagree however they choose.

With that, in light of recognizing Costco’s success, I’m afraid I cannot be on the Costco love at all costs bandwagon. In fact, I’ve been a Cranky Costco Consumer (Club 3C) since 2012 when my oldest was about 4 years old.

The short reason is Costco’s uncanny ability to be a budget slayer and enemy to financial goals.

You see, we as a family have been on and off Costco membership three or four times since 2012. Each time we’ve been off Costco we’ve more easily met our grocery budget targets. We are currently on a Costco membership and our food spending is up 25% compared to when we weren’t.

I’ve thought a lot about this over the years wondering why. Costco is supposed to be a deal. Right? Great for finances because buying in bulk to bring the unit cost down is a slam dunk for success. Right? Well, wrong! Costco ultimately became the three strike store for me. We’d buy three things, spend $300, and three days later need more food. It only scaled worse as our family grew in number and age.

Listen. I’ll be the first guy in line to praise Costco for their product quality and selection. Their products are well received by many for good reason. The reality though, is what Costco doesn’t want you to understand, or more accurately realize, is something they know you know but don’t want you to know because it would end their perfectly formulated business model.

As humans we rely on sustenance, namely calories to keep us alive and full of energy to carry out whatever human related tasks we decide to embark on each day.

What also is required as part of our calorie consumption is variety.  Variety in the nutrients we take in to maintain a proper balance. From here on I’ll refer to this as the variety complex.

Listen, I know you know this. You even subconsciously know this during a shopping trip. But, it’s not a driver in decision making during a shopping trip. Those drivers are typically cost per unit and taste. If, however, variety held even a tenth part weight as a third member of the shopping decision tree, I’m convinced Costco would be out of business.

I realize I’m likely on an island in my view of Costco and fewer people on earth will agree with me than the number of people who believe earth is flat. So maybe I’ll make a fool of myself just like the flat earthers, but for now I stand by my convictions.

Let me explain in more detail. 

I really like avocados. However, as much as I love avocados there are only so many I can eat in one sitting and only so many I can eat in subsequent sittings. Why? Because of the variety complex. It’s human physiology. Avocados alone can only satisfy so much. I know this is obvious – probably even to the point of being offensively obvious. But, let me ask you. When you were at Costco and bought a bag of avocados what were your first two thoughts? Probably first was ooh i like avocados and don’t have any, should I get some? The second question was what is the price per avocado? Assuming a positive response to the first two questions, a third question might come which is: do I really need 20 avocados? You probably answered no, but because the taste and cost per unit criteria were met and you’d have to drive to another store to get fewer, you convinced yourself it was a good buy. 

In general, such practice has recently been tagged among social media outlets as ‘Girl Math.’  Meant as a joke, ‘Girl Math’ is bad math used to justify purchases and spending habits. Costcoland creates an environment that unwittingly brings out the best ‘Girl Math’ in all of us, and in the end Costco walks away with our money.

When you gleefully return home from your glorious Costco trip, you quickly eat an avocado or two, maybe with some toast, and enjoy an evening watching reruns of Care Bears and He-Man totally satisfied with a successful day. However, after a week goes by and after only eating maybe one more avocado, the remaining seventeen avocados’ fate is quickly destined for the garbage.

Scoreboard: Costco 1, Consumer 0

Costco got what they wanted. A consumer getting a good quality product at a reasonable price per unit, and more money in their pockets because overall you spent more than you really needed even though your unit price may have been better than other stores. Overall, however, you lost money on your food wager. 

When I say wager, does that sound familiar to another business model? Maybe one you might find in Vegas? The reality is odds are against you coming out ahead after visiting Costco. That’s why Costco’s business model is brilliant not even counting the membership fee. I shouldn’t be paying a retail space to grace them with my presence. But, again, more money to Costcoland.

When I go to a traditional supermarket, sure I may pay more per unit in many cases, but it’s a lot easier to only buy what you need and overall come out ahead. Overall, you will come home with more variety for the same amount spent and therefore in the long run feel more satisfied not only in the belly but the bank account.

You might say, well I can’t get what they have at Costco at other stores. Again their brilliance shines through. They pull you in with quality unique products, then make you buy a large quantity of them. Because they know you need variety in your diet, to get that variety you’re going to need to buy several different items. A need for variety plus buying in bulk means more money for Costco. In summary, the Costco success equation is: Human need for caloric variety plus unique product allurement plus a dash of advertised lower unit pricing by buying in bulk equals more money spent at Costcoland. 

In the end, the score in Costco’s bank account is 100 and Consumers bank account needles somewhere between 0 and 1. Costco just wants you to forget about the first ingredient in that formula and focus on the last two – which is what we almost exclusively do when we shop for groceries and why Costco is undefeated.

Another stroke of Costco’s brilliance was rolled out recently when they began offering a weight loss subscription program. Oh the irony.

Costco: Let us sell you more quantity than you really needed then when you’ve become unhealthy because you either ate more than you needed or didn’t really have good variety in your diet we’ll be there to help by offering a weight loss subscription program. 🤦

I believe variety complex is the main reason we rarely meet our food budget when including Costco in our shopping routine. If I have $300 to spend on groceries, I will come home from the grocery store with more variety and ultimately get more bang for my buck than if I spend $300 at Costco even if unit pricing was better at Costco. Penny Wise pound foolish shopping at Costco? You said it!

So, you might say Costco would be great for buying for large groups! Remember though Costco is the house and the unwavering concept  of variety complex is on their side. Because of that, odds will always be in their favor – regardless of target party size. For two years I was part of planning high adventure activities for our church youth group. The first year another leader was in charge of the food. He went to Costco. We had enough and ate well. No complaints. The next year I was in charge of food. I did all the food shopping at the grocery store. Partway into the trip the leader who bought the food the previous year commented on how much food we had and how incredible the variety was. There were plenty and more! We came home with lots of extra in fact. He asked me where I shopped and how much I had spent thinking I had way overspent our budget. When I told him the answer to both he let out a quiet , “huh.” I had actually spent the same as the previous year. No complaints about quantity or quality. In fact, people were more satisfied versus the previous year. Why? I believe it was because their food variety needs were met more adequately. As much as I’d love to eat mash potatoes every meal, I know I will feel more satisfied if I eat a variety even if it means I spend a bit more per potato when I do eat potatoes.

I know I will convince exactly zero people to join my lonely island with this letter here today. I wouldn’t believe it either if we hadn’t lived on/off the Costco dream three or four times and tracked our food spending each time. So maybe I am the odd case. If someone else has tried something similar and found differently I’d be curious to hear your experience.

In the end, maybe I’m just jealous of all those who can comfortably shop at Costco without financial regret and get full variety satisfaction. I suppose Costco is a higher class of life than I can comfortably afford so maybe I am reaching out for justification of my biases and financial circumstances. Ah well, I guess all I can say is long live the Costcoland – the happiest retail space on earth.


Overreach 02/02/2024

“One of the most contentious issues faced by the Founding Fathers was the size, reach, and power of the federal government. This is a generalization but the federalists, who supported a stronger central government, tended to come from the larger cities where business, manufacturing, trade, and transportation dominated.
The anti-federalists were more likely to come from the rural, agricultural, and less developed areas.
Two of the leading Federalists were John Adams and Alexander Hamilton. The leading anti-federalists included Thomas Jefferson and James Madison.” (History Channel)

Many of the Founding Fathers were concerned about the potential for a strong central government to infringe on individual rights and liberties.
With that background, what may surprise you about the surprise party (pun intended) is that the concerns our Founding Fathers had regarding the overreach of the federal government parallels our thoughts also. Now, let us establish that there is a definite need for a healthy Federal institution, as stated in the preamble, “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of …
According to George Washington, one of the chief dangers of letting regional loyalties dominate loyalty to the nation as a whole was that it would lead to factionalism or the development of competing political parties. When Americans voted according to party loyalty, rather than the common interest of the nation, Washington feared it would foster a “spirit of revenge,” and enable the rise of “cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men” who would “usurp for themselves the reins of government; destroying afterward the very engines, which have lifted them to unjust dominion.”
Therefore, The ‘Worst Enemy’ of Government is loyalty to the Party Over the Nation

Again, I state that what may surprise you about the Surprise Party is that we too are concerned about the over-reach of the Federal Government. For that very reason, we encourage our farmers, teachers, and general, down-to-earth common people to get involved in governing the nation, at EVERY level.

The very name of our party suggests that governing needs to be DIFFERENT: our SURPRISE stands for: Sense of direction, understanding, respect, preparation, rationale, integrity, self-confidence, esteem.

The preamble starts with, “WE THE PEOPLE… but today we see, “We the government” to form a more perfect union. Well any time, that a President can sign an executive order to institute virtually any “party want” they deem necessary, the less input the legislative branch and, more importantly, the less the people have a say in governing. Part of the problem, as George Washington states are that there is now “a spirit of revenge” among the parties. Tooth for tooth, Tit for Tat, I win, you lose, My daddy can beat your daddy. Do you see something wrong here? It’s no longer “United we stand” it’s more “Divided we stand.”

Every great civilization of the past was not conquered from the outside, they fell from within. Divided among themselves to the point no one agreed. Today, we need to manage disagreement, not eliminate it.

The surprise party wants to hand governing back to the people. Most Americans today raise the same issues to their representative’s election cycle after election cycle whether it is local, state, or federal, and most of the time the “can just keeps getting kicked down the road,” hoping someone else will deal with it.

image.pngNow, one of our esteemed constituents brought this theme a little closer to home for us. Here’s an example:

Our survey estimates that 18% of Americans — including 27% of homeowners — currently reside in a community governed by an HOA. HOA membership is significantly more common among Americans living in the South (24%) and West (23%) than in the Midwest (10%) or Northeast (9%).Dec 4, 2023

image.pngMany American homeowners don’t like being told what to do, and most would prefer not to be governed by an HOA or homeowners’ association. More people who do live under an HOA would rather not than prefer it. A recent YouGov survey finds that despite the public’s qualms regarding HOAs, one in five Americans currently live in an HOA-governed community, and one in three have lived in one at some point.

HOA dissatisfaction is tied to concerns about overregulation: 72% of people living under an HOA they disapprove of, say the rules and regulations set by their HOA are too restrictive. A total of 38% of HOA residents think their HOA is too restrictive; roughly half (46%) say the rules are about right and just 8% say they are not restrictive enough.

What do Americans think HOAs should and should not regulate? A plurality of Americans support HOAs setting rules for noise levels (64%), trash and recycling bins (50%), and parking (46%). More oppose than support HOA rules for yard signs, fences, landscaping, pet ownership, exterior paint colors, home renovations, and holiday decorations.

When your neighbors become your overlords


How HOAs became an unnecessary necessary evil.

By Emily  Apr 20, 2023, 8:30am EDT
There are few things more delicious than a homeowners association horror story. All over the internet, you can find tales of people getting fined for parking their vehicles in their own driveways or having a potted tomato plant on their back porches or leaving a bottle of Gatorade out for one day. In Tennessee, a man returned from vacation to discover his car was missing; he thought it had been stolen, but in reality, his HOA had towed it because it had a flat tire. A Maryland HOA fined a homeowner $40,000 because the fence she built was 8 inches too long. A Missouri HOA threatened a family with jail time because they’d put up a play set that was — gasp! — purple.
It’s easy to laugh at the inanity of so much of it … until you find yourself peeking through your curtains trying to catch your neighbor putting her trash can out five minutes early because last year she reported you to the HOA for leaving up your Christmas lights past the New Year.
Yes, have we reached a point of “Over-reach” even in our neighborhoods. Well, there are rules, right? yep, like immigration rules, balanced budget rules, and “Heaven Forbid” don’t spend more than you make rules. These sound like funny rules, don’t they? Oh Well!
🙋 Just vote for what’s right——we are not those “cunning, ambitious, and unprincipled men
The Surprise Party Rides Again
A thought from the guy seeking the second chair.  Don’t you just hate being told what to do?  If you get orders from an elected official like the president of a country or an HOA, do you look at them and think, “oh yea, you’re no better than me”.  You may label them as a narcissistic bully who thrives on the misery of others.  You may think they conspire with like minded tyrants to step on the little guy, force their will on the masses just because they have the power to do so.  You may judge their actions as over reaching for the greater good, just for the elites.
So what do I want in the next election?  Something different?  A decisive style of leadership that is fair, reasonable and adheres to the golden rule?  Okay, fair enough, we can do that.  We are not into the party scene, haven’t rented a tux in years and wouldn’t know high society if they came calling with bells on.  We salute the flag, kneel only in church, sing the only National anthem we know and are proud of our country.  The folks we will put in our cabinet will share those sentiments and if they ever get too big for their britches, they will get a fireside chat with us they won’t soon forget.
We are running for office because we hate being told what to do by people who live in ivory towers and look down at real people just trying to live a good and happy life.  “Rules for thee and not for me”don’t work for the Surprise Party.
And just so you know, we are not the least bit interested in being told to station troops in foreign lands and use them as bait to be shot at so we can start another war.  The Surprise Party will not be the world’s policeman any more.  We believe the blood of our soldiers and the treasure of our country are gifts to be guarded, not given or thrown away.
A great man named Zig Ziegler once said, “Men of genius are admired, men of wealth are envied, men of power are feared but only men of character are trusted.”

Make Changes 01/26/2024

Yes the Surprise Party has lofty goals.  How do we accomplish those goals you might ask?  Let’s consider prioritizing the most important things.

The first thing we need to establish is a maximum age limit for the president.  Gov. DeSantis says he will try running again when he is a senile 80 year old.  If you consider that age is relative to ability, Joe Biden is obviously not too old to run.  His skill as a decision maker is plainly evident as he said he is so close to a V.P. pick, he can smell her hair.  Former President Trump decided to put his picture on all U.S. stamps, forcing everyone to lick his image, the thought of which has made liberal heads explode!

As candidates, it’s necessary for us to travel around the country to meet with the folks.  We are proud to partner with Ace Air Lines to get around.  Why Ace you might ask?  Well, they have developed a new short plane, called the Boing  7-11 for special needs pilots.  Since we are so supportive of D.E.I hiring initiatives, we are thrilled to support crew members who are either physically or mentally incapable of operating big planes.  There is even an employee in the cockpit specially trained to sign words like PULL UP, TURN LEFT, BAIL OUT!

Voting integrity is the cornerstone of democracy.  Our friends across the aisle have dreaded these words.  Now we have learned that MACA extremists have plotted to go to a polling station and vote on paper ballots for the candidate of their choice.  According to Christopher Wray Director of the F.B.I, the only way to combat this egregious abuse of anti woke voting is to introduce another pandemic called the XXX flu.  Once this contagious respiratory virus hits the country, the C.D.C will make it mandatory that there is no in-person voting, to curb the deadly spread.

Fortunately, the Surprise Party has a solution.  We will establish a new branch of government called the U.S. Pigeon Force.  Yes, homing Pigeons will be mandatory in every household.  Voters will simply vote for the candidate of their choice by writing on a tiny piece of paper, called a mini ballot. This paper will then be placed on a special little back pack to be carried by the bird to the closest polling station.  Free and fair elections brought to you by your Surprise Party.  Where there is a pigeon, there is a way!  More problem solving ideas are yet to come.  M.A.C.A.


Yes, Indeed, if elected, The surprise Party will hire the following 3 dogs to train all members of Congress on how to solve problems the correct way since…..they have been sitting on major issues like balancing the budget, immigration, healthcare and a host of other “citizen concerns” for years and apparently have never received “problem solving” training in their preschools.
The Surprise Party is leading the Way…………………….Never Fear!

What’s Your Problem 01/22/2024

As we continue to travel around the country and listen to our constituents talk about the issues that they face, we realize how out of touch our current congressional leaders and Presidency are. As hard as it is to believe, those leading the country today seem to forget, once they’re elected, that there are REAL people back home begging them to make changes and solve problems.

Let’s see some examples, shall we?
Inflation- Most of those in Congress say, “What’s that?” Well they don’t have to worry because 

House lawmakers spent $1.4M in tax dollars for DC apartments, dining:

Your tax dollars at work … and play.

House lawmakers have spent $1.4 million in federal money subsidizing their lodging and dining in Washington, DC — with several millionaire members among those bilking Americans for the funds.

A Democrat-led provision introduced to the House rules handbook in the 117th Congress provides members with $34,000 annually to pay for rentals, hotel stays and meals while going about their official duties in the nation’s capital, the Washington Free Beacon reported. Rather than produce receipts, the members only have to list their “eligible expenses” on lodging, meals, and incidentals related to official travel and duties, the handbook states.

Now, I don’t know about you but for 40 years, I was required to keep a receipt and justify every penny I spent on a corporate account. MACA

The rules change was described as a “tax-free $34,000 pay bump” by the New York Times, which first calculated the reimbursement figure for members in January.

At least 17 Democratic lawmakers with a net worth of $1 million or more have made use of the funds, including House Minority Whip Katherine Clark (D-Mass), who has reported assets totaling up to $13.5 million, and Rep. Katie Porter (D-Calif.), who has reported a net worth of up to $1.8 million.

Neither immediately responded to The Post’s requests for comment.

Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.), who cited reckless federal spending as a primary reason he led the effort to oust House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) in October, spent the most of any lawmaker.

The Florida Republican took around $23,000 for his living expenses and meals between January and May, with his wife Ginger sharing sumptuous images raving on social media about the “perks of having a chef husband.”

“Squad” Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has complained on her Instagram account that her $174,000 annual congressional salary is barely enough to cover living expenses.

A typical work week for a US Senator is about 3 days. Usually, there are no votes on Mon and Tues and the Senate is not in session. They are off for the whole month of Aug, and significant parts of Dec and Jan. Also long breaks for Easter, Memorial Day, the Fourth of July, Labor Day and Thanksgiving. My guess is that the Senate is actually in session about 100 to 120 days per year. WHAT, THAT’S A THIRD OF THE YEAR?????????
SALARY: The House Speaker makes $223,500, Majority and Minority Leaders earn $193,400, and the President Pro Tempore makes $193,400. Regular members earn $174,000.
Outside income is restricted to eliminate conflicts-of-interest. However, we found significant loopholes in the ethics laws. Who knew that powerful members can be employed by federal contractors based in their districts?
For example, during a 13-year period, Vanderbilt University employed Rep. Jim Cooper (D-TN) and paid him $250,000 in total salary (2005-2018). The university received $2.6 billion in federal contracts, grants, and direct payments from 2014-2018. The powerful congressman serves on the Budget Committee and on Oversight and Government Reform. Located in his district, Vanderbilt’s executives and employees are Cooper’s #1 campaign contributor ($135,261).
In 2012, Jesse Jackson, Jr. (D-IL) was approved for $138,400 in worker’s compensation and Social Security disability payments stemming from his bipolar disorder and depression. Jackson successfully argued that Congress made him mentally ill.

TRAVEL: Since 2005, members of Congress and their committee staffers have embarked on 16,367 trips. During this period, the top destinations were Israel, United Kingdom, France, Germany, and United Arab Emirates.

Last year, the U.S. House spent $4.3 million on overseas travel. Our auditors combed through the disclosures and found some pricey trips taken in the summer of 2019.

There is an onsite beauty salon and member-dedicated subway to shuttle members around the Hill. Taxpayers spent $10MM over the last five years on elevator doormen whose job it is to hit the buttons and hold doors.

Over the past 12 months, the Gallop public opinion congressional polling ranged from 17% approval to 31% approval. Why such disdain for Congress?

One reason could be echoed by Mark Twain who famously stated, “No man’s life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in.”


What does the Surprise Party propose to solve this problem?
1) Since Congress only works 3 days a week—on the fourth day of the week, to earn their money, they will be required to take out the trash (no pun intended) in every room of the capital. They will also, by assignment, sweep and mop all of the floors, dust the mantles, and generally spruce up the entire inside of the building. Finally, they will clean all of the restrooms with Spic and Span and make them smell garden fresh.
2) On the fifth day of the week, Congress will hoist the flag in the morning, stand at attention for 30 minutes after, and write down 3 things their constituents want them to do. After the flag raising, they will climb the dome tower of the Capital and polish the entire surface until it shines as bright as the sun.s 
3) Every week, assignments will rotate and will include mowing the lawn at “The Mall” between the Lincoln Memorial and the Capital, cleaning the windows at all of the buildings of the Smithsonian, and hand washing the Washington and Jefferson Memorials among other chores.
4) Any complaining on these two days will require them to give up their Chick Fil A “waffle fries” for lunch.
Our Motto for them, EARN what the people pay you!
Watch us grow and remember a vote for the Suprise Party is a vote for change in our Preschool political system!!!!!!! 
The REAL Donald and Uncle Jay 

Name Changer 01/14/2024

One of my earliest childhood memories was watching western movies.  John Wayne led his cavalry over the crest of a sun drenched Arizona hill to rescue victims of Indian attacks and stagecoach robbers.

The real Donald and I plan to emulate this brave charge by rescuing our voters from the ravages of diversity, equity and inclusion.  The toxic male, anti white, anti Christian environment where meritocracy and fair play are demonized are a scourge to our existence.  Rather than fighting this kind of stupidity, if elected, we propose to establish a new department in the federal government tasked with the responsibility of evening the playing field.

The Department of “Whoz it” will help re-identify our marginalized citizens so they can compete fairly in the workplace.  Their goal is to provide “work names” that comply with all the things liberals dream about, free stuff for everyone, open borders, no responsibility or accountability and close all the prisons, just to name a few.

The Dept. of Whoz it will be run at the cabinet level by Secretary Manual Malarkey, an alias for yours truly, V.P. candidate Jay Alsup.  Assistant Secretary will be Aunt Valerie, AKA Fatima Cattywampus.  Together, Malarkey and Cattywampus will assist all applicants with their work place names.  We have taken the liberty of naming the Perry family siblings and will assist with the rest of the family as time goes by.

Justin  Li Bamboosler

Kelby  Poncho Kerfuffle

Brandon          Pierre Brouhaha

Jenelyn          Annika Skedaddle

Troy    Boris Katzenough

Cody             Simon Tomfoolery


And just so that we all understand how important it is to “Sound the Bugle” and call in the cavalry when it appears that the numbers are beginning to overwhelm us, just take a listen to this message from Sheriff Mark Lamb tells us why those coming to the USA may be coming in droves………………………..…………….
Yep, you guessed it FREE is the answer, free this free that….it motivates people to vote, right?
The Surprise Party marches on 🎩

Hitting the Campaign Trail 01/08/2024

Hitting the Campaign Trail for 2024,

The year of Make America Cowboy Again (MACA). We thought we’d start the campaign year off by reminding you what MACA stands for:
1-Being Kind (as you saw in our first notice of the New Year
2-Standing up for our country, our freedom, and our rights given by our Founding Fathers in the Constitution.




So, now you know exactly what the “Surprise Party” stands for. If you agree, saddle up and join us as we hit the campaign trail to let ALL AMERICANS know where we’re headed in November.
Let’s take a look at who we are and how were going to get there when we need to bed down the horses for a night or two:
President Photo.jpeg

VP photo.jpg

We’re going to visit every little town in America including: Ding Dong, Texas, and Monkey’s Eyebrow, Kentucky, 

Bacon Level, Alabama, Booger Hole, West Virginia, Boring, Oregon, Bugtussle, Kentucky, Carefree, Arizona, Center of the World, Ohio, Chicken, Alaska, Cookietown, Oklahoma, Frankenstein, Missouri, Fries, Virginia, Whynot, North Carolina, Coward, South Carolina. We’ll campaign until we arrive at Bitter End, Tennessee, and then keep going to many more……………………..……………

How can we do this, you ask? Well, it’s simple, we were given the perfect vehicle by our NASA supporters.
As we see it, if you believe a change is needed in the future and you want to throw your support for the “Surprise Party” take a picture of you as MACA and send it to us. We are looking for wonderful Americans to staff our CABINET in 2024.
Here we come AMERICA, walking down the street, we get the funniest looks from everyone we meet, Hey, Hey with the MACA!
The great poet, cowboy and American humorist Will Rogers said, “Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip”.  When the real Donald approached me about being his running mate, I first had to consider the shoes I would have to fill should I be called to do so.  Having known Donald for most of my life I believe that if he had a parrot, the bird would surely sing his praises with avian glee.  While the grand testament would be useful for a man seeking high office, could the parrot be as complementary about his running mate?

What would it take to make America cowboy again?  What would John Wayne or Teddy Roosevelt do?  If I had a parrot, what would I want it to say about me?  If kindness means turning the other cheek when it seems like the whole world is against me, would the parrot say I did it?  Could I be kind while standing up for our country, our freedom and our rights?  Could I go to Bird in Hand, Pennsylvania  or French Lick, Indiana and keep a straight face while making a speech?
I think if I had a parrot I wouldn’t sell it to anyone.  I would admit to Donald and the rest of the country that we are just a couple of imperfect guys who, like everyone else, want the best for our country and we are willing to work hard to make everyone, including our parrots proud.
The Surprise Party.
The “REAL” Donald and Uncle Jay 👏👏

A New Year 01/03/2024


Greetings friends, family and voters, a new year is here whether we like it or not.  If you read the paper or watched the news recently you might think living in a cave in the wilderness without the joy of mass media is for you.  But wait, there were many things to be grateful for.  Seeing the joy on our children and grandchildren’s faces on Christmas morning was wonderful.  Giving gifts and, ok admit it, getting a few gifts was pretty cool.

What about that dinner we ate on Thanksgiving and Christmas?  Did people around the world get to do that?  And now that I think of it, all the meals we eat, the water we drink, the electricity we use, the furnace and air conditioner and the car we drive all make for a pretty good life.  And admit it, it’s easy to take all this for granted.

Let’s talk about health for a minute.  We are bombarded by commercials promoting the latest breakthrough for just about everything that makes us sick.  We make new year’s resolutions to go to the gym so we can be stronger, slimmer and live longer.  Is that all we can do for our health? I propose that the secret ingredient for optimum health and wellness is kindness. Kindness is a trait that can be learned by children when they see their parents being kind.  Regarding policy, we will make Kindness instruction mandatory in all educational institutions for grades 1 through 6.

As we look forward to a new administration, the Surprise Party will lead a Kindness Revolution!  We will encourage this concept by presenting public service announcements via TV, radio, Internet and billboards along our highways.  The real Donald and I still remember the commercial from our youth where the jingle reminded us not to be litter bugs. There was another awesome jingle reminding us all to buckle up for safety, buckle up! It stuck all these years for a reason, it worked!  Ways to be kind are limitless but here are a few examples to get you thinking about how to make this a better country;

Buy a supermarket voucher for someone struggling to feed their family.

Keep a bag of stuff for the homeless person with a sign.

Buy a cup of coffee for the next service man or woman standing in line at Starbucks.

Talk to an old person who lives alone.

Make dinner time family time, no cell phones or iPads allowed.  Ask everyone to read a chapter from whatever book comes to mind then discuss it as a family.

Ask your kids for input when looking for ways to be kind.

Donate old towels or blankets to an animal shelter.

Next time you encounter an especially good waiter or waitress, seek out the manager to complement them.

Return a shopping cart for an elderly person or someone in


As we head into the 2024 election cycle, keeping kindness in mind when watching the viciousness and hatred exemplified by the other candidates and their parties will convince anyone with a sense of decency that the Surprise Party is the only clear party to vote for.

So we leave you with our tribute to a Fabulous New Year. One that starts off with a loud fireworks display “

Vote the Surprise Party in 2024


Merry Christmas 12/24/2023

We are the “Bearers of Good News!”

With so much negative campaign news in the nation today, we thought it would be a welcome SURPRISE (Get It?) to fill you full of the Good News that has, is, and will take place in the land of the free.
So, here goes:
1) Remember how much the Coronavirus affected us recently? Well, not this devoted husband:

Love conquers coronavirus: Husband visits wife daily through nursing home window

On Friday, just like he did the day before, John Kline stood at the window of his wife’s room, and they sang their favorite songs together.

“Let’s sing Jesus Loves Me,” John said to Ann, who was sitting in a wheelchair about 13 feet. Ann Kline had a slight smile as her husband sang to her. Both are 80 years old.


3) A 104-year-old Chicago woman is hoping to be certified as the oldest person to ever skydive after leaving her walker on the ground and making a tandem jump in northern Illinois.

“Age is just a number,” Dorothy Hoffner told a cheering crowd “Let’s go, let’s go, Geronimo!”

4) Mattel announces the relaunch of the Barney franchise with an updated look of the dinosaur.






Common Sense 12/15/2023

Thomas Paine said it best in 1776 but we say it best in 2024

As we sit down to dinner and either watch the evening news or discuss the daily events in our lives with our significant others, we often ponder the mysteries of life by asking why things happen.  Why are college students calling for the destruction of Israel?  Why do boys want to be girls and girls want to be boys?  Why do people get hired or promoted because of their race or gender instead of their skills and abilities?  Why do we need identification to check out a book from the library or get a Costco membership but showing your ID to vote is racist?  Why do we need to go through Customs at the airport but the southern border is wide open?

We might think it’s a generational thing, I know as baby boomers, the real Donald and I have pondered these and many more subjects and thought we might be able to address them if we were in the White House.  But How?  And then bam, the answer has finally been revealed.

It’s all about the COVID-19 Vaccine!  Quoting from a peer-reviewed article on ““, some of the ingredients in the vaccine cause a phenomenon called “Frame Shifting”.  That Frame Shifting disrupts the reading of the synthetic code in such a way that the body creates “nonsense proteins”.

Ah Ha!  Finally a rational explanation for all the craziness in our country.  Are any of the other candidates talking about this study?  NO!  Why, well while you were sleeping, the real Donald and I were diligently working behind the scenes to bring Frame Shifting to the forefront of the national discussion.  Based on years of working in the pharmaceutical industry, the real Donald will introduce a new treatment for Frame Shifting.

While pre-frontal Lobotomies and electroshock treatments have not been completely ruled out, a more radical new treatment will be proposed.  It’s called “Common Sense”.

We propose investing in research to provide a reversal of the protein that was secreted into the Maderna and Pfizer vaccines.  Once that reversal has taken place, the second shot will add a protein that will change people’s perspective on issues like good vs evil, right vs wrong, and most importantly, love vs hate.

A vote for the Surprise party is a vote for common sense.

A couple of clear examples to make our point:

Not Putting Your Stuff Back On The Proper Shelves In Grocery Stores

Not Leaving Someone’s House When They Say They Are Tired And Have To Get To Work Early In The Morning

Not Surprised yet, just see what’s yet to come


Surprise Party Rides Again 12/08/2023

The “Surprise Party” Rides Again

That’s right, we the Surprise Party have reappeared unexpectedly and with new vigor. We watched as candidates come and go this year, just as they did 8 years ago. Some with high aspirations but most with no vision for what America needs at a critical time for the nation’s future.

Not much has changed since the first time we ran for President and Vice President of this great country except that we are much smarter, braver, older, and much more handsome than 8 years ago. Based on the current opponents that are likely to represent their respective parties in 2024 we are also the teenagers of the group, but we won’t allow their dementia to get in the way of our face-to-face debates.

Our Theme:

         Our Motto: “All for One and One for All”

         Our Pledge to the American People: Red Skelton says it better than we can.

            We will cite him several times during our campaign.


       Our campaign Song: “Mr Red, White and Blue” by Coffey Anderson

  who will sing at our Inaugural Party (if he votes for us)

Research tells us that these are the issues that most Americans want addressed by their Nation’s Leaders:

We will gladly address each of these issues and several hundred more over the next 12 months. You will know exactly where we stand on each issue. Voting for us will be a breeze because you will be able to actually understand our answers.

  A message from the V.P. candidate Jay Alsup

As most of you know, Vice Presidential candidates are not named until after the presidential primary.  They do this for good reason as people might think the V.P. candidate might be a total numbskull and would keep the presidential candidate from being nominated.  If you think this is a reference to our current V.P. well draw your own conclusion.

It is my distinct honor to have been chosen by the real Donald to represent the Surprise Party as his Vice Presidential running mate.  I believe my competition for Vice Presidential running mates will be announced soon by their own parties but here is a sneak preview.  You will notice that no Democratic candidates are mentioned because, I don’t want my mouth to be washed out with soap.

Donald Trump must find a running mate that can tone down his whacky rhetoric and Tweets, (or now I guess you call them X’s?)  I believe he has found the perfect running mate in Snoop Dogg.

A man for all seasons, Mr. Dogg has a colorful background, rooted in; music, the Criminal Justice system, films and even a 2022 Super Bowl halftime appearance!  But by far, his best quality is his intimate knowledge of the marijuana world.  Nobody will be able to chill The Donald like the Dogg Father! Not qualified you say?  Please compare to the lady pictured above…I rest my case!

The Desantis campaign is lagging in second place because nobody knows that he is going to choose Homer Simpson as his running mate.

Homer Jay Simpson, embodies many American working class stereotypes that Mr. DeSantis hopes will resonate with his platform.  Homer is obese, immature, outspoken, aggressive, balding (no I’m not talking about me!) lazy, ignorant, unprofessional, fond of beer, junk food and watching television for hours.  (Ok, maybe there is some resemblance to me but that’s purely coincidental).

Vivek Ramaswamy (V Ram for short) says he wants to be a voice for the younger crowd of American voters, those who are tired of old white men in the old white house.  Who better to represent that mindset than the one and only Taylor Swift.

Once just an average pop, rock, country artist, now the much hyped Kansas City Chiefs cheerleader and gal pal to the future Secretary of Education, Travis Kelce.

Since Ms. Swift has written all of her own songs, it seems fitting to list some of them here to underscore her perspective on life to back up V-Ram.

Who could forget these great hits;

I’m so miserable without you it’s just like having you around.

You’re the reason our kids are so ugly

Please don’t tell my father that I used his 1996 Honda to destroy mailboxes on Halloween.

I threw my drink in the fire and now I have stumps for arms.

I’ve been flushed from the bathroom of your heart

If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet

You can’t have your Kate and Edith too

And finally the classic nobody can forget, If you won’t leave me, I’ll find someone who will.

Chris Christie is another conservative candidate willing to go toe to toe with only one A list candidate.  Who better to accompany him than the Pillsbury Dough Boy’s evil twin, Dough Kneader.  The former New Jersey Governor has no platform except to cancel Donald Trump, and a mean spirited Kneader is just the man for the job.  How can they lose with a motto; “Lets raise enough dough to cook Trumps goose!

Nikki Haley is a nice lady but lets face it, if she used her real name,” Nimarata Randhawa, well the game is over. If you want an Indian as president, at least vote for someone that was brave enough to use their real name and vote for V-Ram.

To balance the ticket, Nikki has selected Cosmo Kramer as her running mate. “Kramer” is known for his extreme honesty, a trait sorely lacking in D.C.  He is a well respected entrepreneur, having started Kramerica Industries, for which he devised plans for a pizza place where customers make their own pie.  He also co-developed a prototype for a bra for men called the “Bro” or the “Manssiere”.

Kramer is a well known author and lists his coffee table book about coffee tables as one of his classic works.  Kramer is also well experienced as a politician noting he once ran (unsuccessfully) for president of the condo association at Del Bocca Vista, phase III in the free state of Florida.

To put it plainly, the Surprise party is the ONLY party that makes sense.  The Democrats have too many lunatics who govern by fear and champion cancel culture.  The Republicans have too many Rinos who support the military industrial complex, the D.C. swamp and status quo.

I have known Don Perry since I was in junior high school and that’s a long time ago. He is the real Donald for a reason.  If he tells you something, it comes from his heart.  It’s based on love of country, common sense and a lifetime of experience to know what works and what is a bunch of hogwash.

If the Surprise Party runs America you can bet on wisdom, not compromise.  Devotion to the flag and our national identity.  Peace bolstered by strength.  One nation under God, all for one and one for all.

Make America Cowboy Again