Surprise Party Rides Again 12/08/2023

The “Surprise Party” Rides Again

That’s right, we the Surprise Party have reappeared unexpectedly and with new vigor. We watched as candidates come and go this year, just as they did 8 years ago. Some with high aspirations but most with no vision for what America needs at a critical time for the nation’s future.

Not much has changed since the first time we ran for President and Vice President of this great country except that we are much smarter, braver, older, and much more handsome than 8 years ago. Based on the current opponents that are likely to represent their respective parties in 2024 we are also the teenagers of the group, but we won’t allow their dementia to get in the way of our face-to-face debates.

Our Theme:

         Our Motto: “All for One and One for All”

         Our Pledge to the American People: Red Skelton says it better than we can.

            We will cite him several times during our campaign.


       Our campaign Song: “Mr Red, White and Blue” by Coffey Anderson

  who will sing at our Inaugural Party (if he votes for us)

Research tells us that these are the issues that most Americans want addressed by their Nation’s Leaders:

We will gladly address each of these issues and several hundred more over the next 12 months. You will know exactly where we stand on each issue. Voting for us will be a breeze because you will be able to actually understand our answers.

  A message from the V.P. candidate Jay Alsup

As most of you know, Vice Presidential candidates are not named until after the presidential primary.  They do this for good reason as people might think the V.P. candidate might be a total numbskull and would keep the presidential candidate from being nominated.  If you think this is a reference to our current V.P. well draw your own conclusion.

It is my distinct honor to have been chosen by the real Donald to represent the Surprise Party as his Vice Presidential running mate.  I believe my competition for Vice Presidential running mates will be announced soon by their own parties but here is a sneak preview.  You will notice that no Democratic candidates are mentioned because, I don’t want my mouth to be washed out with soap.

Donald Trump must find a running mate that can tone down his whacky rhetoric and Tweets, (or now I guess you call them X’s?)  I believe he has found the perfect running mate in Snoop Dogg.

A man for all seasons, Mr. Dogg has a colorful background, rooted in; music, the Criminal Justice system, films and even a 2022 Super Bowl halftime appearance!  But by far, his best quality is his intimate knowledge of the marijuana world.  Nobody will be able to chill The Donald like the Dogg Father! Not qualified you say?  Please compare to the lady pictured above…I rest my case!

The Desantis campaign is lagging in second place because nobody knows that he is going to choose Homer Simpson as his running mate.

Homer Jay Simpson, embodies many American working class stereotypes that Mr. DeSantis hopes will resonate with his platform.  Homer is obese, immature, outspoken, aggressive, balding (no I’m not talking about me!) lazy, ignorant, unprofessional, fond of beer, junk food and watching television for hours.  (Ok, maybe there is some resemblance to me but that’s purely coincidental).

Vivek Ramaswamy (V Ram for short) says he wants to be a voice for the younger crowd of American voters, those who are tired of old white men in the old white house.  Who better to represent that mindset than the one and only Taylor Swift.

Once just an average pop, rock, country artist, now the much hyped Kansas City Chiefs cheerleader and gal pal to the future Secretary of Education, Travis Kelce.

Since Ms. Swift has written all of her own songs, it seems fitting to list some of them here to underscore her perspective on life to back up V-Ram.

Who could forget these great hits;

I’m so miserable without you it’s just like having you around.

You’re the reason our kids are so ugly

Please don’t tell my father that I used his 1996 Honda to destroy mailboxes on Halloween.

I threw my drink in the fire and now I have stumps for arms.

I’ve been flushed from the bathroom of your heart

If you can’t live without me, why aren’t you dead yet

You can’t have your Kate and Edith too

And finally the classic nobody can forget, If you won’t leave me, I’ll find someone who will.

Chris Christie is another conservative candidate willing to go toe to toe with only one A list candidate.  Who better to accompany him than the Pillsbury Dough Boy’s evil twin, Dough Kneader.  The former New Jersey Governor has no platform except to cancel Donald Trump, and a mean spirited Kneader is just the man for the job.  How can they lose with a motto; “Lets raise enough dough to cook Trumps goose!

Nikki Haley is a nice lady but lets face it, if she used her real name,” Nimarata Randhawa, well the game is over. If you want an Indian as president, at least vote for someone that was brave enough to use their real name and vote for V-Ram.

To balance the ticket, Nikki has selected Cosmo Kramer as her running mate. “Kramer” is known for his extreme honesty, a trait sorely lacking in D.C.  He is a well respected entrepreneur, having started Kramerica Industries, for which he devised plans for a pizza place where customers make their own pie.  He also co-developed a prototype for a bra for men called the “Bro” or the “Manssiere”.

Kramer is a well known author and lists his coffee table book about coffee tables as one of his classic works.  Kramer is also well experienced as a politician noting he once ran (unsuccessfully) for president of the condo association at Del Bocca Vista, phase III in the free state of Florida.

To put it plainly, the Surprise party is the ONLY party that makes sense.  The Democrats have too many lunatics who govern by fear and champion cancel culture.  The Republicans have too many Rinos who support the military industrial complex, the D.C. swamp and status quo.

I have known Don Perry since I was in junior high school and that’s a long time ago. He is the real Donald for a reason.  If he tells you something, it comes from his heart.  It’s based on love of country, common sense and a lifetime of experience to know what works and what is a bunch of hogwash.

If the Surprise Party runs America you can bet on wisdom, not compromise.  Devotion to the flag and our national identity.  Peace bolstered by strength.  One nation under God, all for one and one for all.

Make America Cowboy Again



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